My insomnia is striking again. Almost midnight on the day we lost a true personality, Michael Jackson. Dead at 50.
When I first heard about his death a few hours following the release of the news, my first thoughts were, so what? He created the hand he was dealt with. His strangeness and all that came with that placed him in a constant state of critical being. From the way he treated his body, a body he really never liked, always seeking a perfection he once had and for some reason was too blind to see it for what it really was, to the numerous trials he was put to, he never realized the dream he must have been looking for. And that makes his death more than sad. For he was, at one time, an awesome performer. I thought THRILLER was and still is one of the most complete compilation of music that anyone had ever placed on one record. A lot of the songs on that record will never grow old and will always cause you to tap your foot and want to get up an dance the moves only he could perform with a beauty and constant brilliance only he could perform. To this day I wish he could have stayed the way he was during the time of recording THRILLER because I can not even imagine how much more of a superstar he could have been in this day and time, and yet to millions, he still is and will always be.
It is also more than sad that he will now be chastised for his past, which is now all a lot of people will look at when judging him. The term rest in peace will not be felt for a long time to come for this gone superstar. But that is the media, and they will sensationalize every wrong step he took. Don’t get me wrong; he took some very bad steps and some of his actions were building the path he ended up on today, and the final judgement his souls shall face in the coming days when his ultimate trial begins.
Was he evil? That will be for the nay-sayers to preach about and toss around like they so often do. My thoughts are after THRILLER, he never was the same again in my eyes and some of the things he did or did not do were as despicable as anything can be classified. In many ways I think he was so concerned about keeping his face in the spotlight, that he lost reason to understand what showing that ever changing face was doing to him. I also think there were too many people trying to guide him down paths he didn’t fully understand nor even want to understand as long as they let him have a small part of the dream he was seeking. You look at those who have come and gone in his life such as body guards to personal assistants, and most of them if not all of them are either suing his estate, or will sue for compensation now that he is gone. They came and they went and in the end the only ones, in many ways, strong enough to endure this strange journey, were him and his children, who I truly believe he loved dearly. I hurt for them now because I know the dream land they grew up in ever so protected by Michael is now gone and they will have to be cared for in the normal world, a world they have never really understood. His death is a sad one for them more than any others.
I think when you look back on his life you can see that all the money in the world could not bring happiness. He learned a crucial devastatingly hard lesson that material things was not the answer. He had to create a world where he bought and created that happiness for his kids but the price he ended up paying for that world was filled with a kind of eternal loneliness only he tried to understand but I don’t ever think he realized with every material dollar spent, he dug his grave that much deeper.
Now he is gone. At 50, perhaps there was a higher power telling him it was not to be to set a tour schedule as he had placed on the table. He was so determined to make a come back to possibly show his fans he wanted one last chance to show everyone he could once again be the performer he once was. Maybe that determination costs him his life. Fifty sold out dates in Europe told us all his devoted fans were ready for the comeback even though they knew, or cared little, how much he was struggling to put together the spectacle that would never be. Maybe his destiny was never to be the superstar he gave up for body transformations, and strange behaviour beyond any thing a lot of us can even understand. I guess now the final verdict will be in if he indeed was guilty of things that a lot of people swept under the rug, wanting to forget that he could be some evil monster he had hid away in his mind. Only now he will meet a higher jury of some sorts and then and only then a true verdict will be handed to his soul.
I only want to judge his music. And that was as awesome as it gets. I didn’t follow the music much after THRILLER because I think his life was changing too fast to even attempt to redo the intensity that record produced. And that’s how I want to remember him. And I pray his children will one day look back and realize they had a remarkable father who, though very strange, was a talent beyond all others. When he was at his best, he was the best.
Now the circus is come to a close. The never-land he built is no more. And I hope he is remembered more on the good times rather than the bad ones he brought on himself. I hope all his past handlers are now satisfied at the final results of their influence upon this troubled mans past. I know he shall pay for his transgressions, but some day so shall all those who helped him create his isolationist way of life. I compare him to Mike Tyson, truly who could have been the best fighter there ever was, but like Michael Jackson, Tyson, with the help of a lot of devious people, turned into a monster himself, or Elvis, who also made some very bad choices in his lifestyle which in turn cost him his greatness as well, but wait, Elvis is still great as Michael will be in the minds of a lot of fans generations to come.
Farewell Jacko. Your music will live on forever. Go meet your maker. The final curtain is about to fall, as your final judgement will be handed down.
