I am not sure why I am even writing this. Maybe it’s the insomnia thing, maybe its a feeling of guilt, or maybe I just need to write more than I need to sit and think of why I shouldn’t be writing. The subject is what point in your life do you feel like its time to say screw it and I may not want to be so politically correct. Walking the fine line between good and not so good is sometimes not as easy as it may seem. Case in point, smoking a fine cigar.
In my gut I know it may be grandee offensive to many if not all of the people I interact with on any given day. I am quite aware of the medical opinion of its harmful effects on the human body and the offensive to others around me. I am very careful at choosing the time and place for this enjoyment I have picked up in just the last couple of years and mainly the last year. I never indulge in this non-sacred pleasure around anyone, unless they just happen to cross my path of isolationist seclusion. I totally respect the wishes of all and so I go hide my self to enjoy a few moments of what I call total pleasure and self gratification.
I will be the first to say I hate the smell of cigarettes. I am very happy that the present time of the politically correctness we all find ourselves in, demands for the most part that smokers do it outside the house, and with total respect of those who do not wish to be influenced by what smokers do and give forth while doing it. You see I come from the smokers age. When I was growing up, most all the men I can remember smoked, indoors, in the house, in any room, and mostly at any time. My dad smoked pack(s) daily. While growing up I never really thought about the smell and I guess I never took it up because he also was an alcoholic, and that one attribute over powered any thing else he may have done. When he drank, which was also daily, he was angry. So the smoking part never really entered into my picture of trying to be defensive about it. I do very much appreciate that everyone I know smokes away from the indoors of their homes and the numbers of smokers are slowly but surely fading away. My wife smokes to this day and she has had two heart surgeries. My dad died of lung cancer, at 75+ something. So it seems that smoking anything, especially as foul as most people think a cigar is, is something I intelligently would not choose to do. But its not the case, not even close.
People that find out I indulge in the enjoyment of a good premium cigar are shocked at first, and after the initial shock wears off they mostly ask why on earth would I take up such a bad thing to do, and what ever caused me to experiment in this, most disgusting to a lot of folks, vice. I always just tell them its a long story and quite boring to be honest. In truth, I have no idea at all why or even when it occurred to me to even try it as all it started out as was an infatuation watching some people do it and wondering why it was such a enjoyable thing to them. Growing up I only remember one person in my family that smoked a cigar and it was one of my uncles. It was in the early 60′s the last time I saw him and each time I saw him he was puffing away on a stogie.
They say advertising sells; and it did with me concerning cigars. I did a website for a friend and he asked me what I was owed for the small amount of work I provided to him. I did not even know he smoked cigars and he sent me a small collection of premium stogies after asking me if it was OK to do so. Before I ever tried the first one I suppose I actually did the right thing; I read as much as I could find about etiquette, and what to expect, and what to do and especially what not to do to even come close to discovering what caused hard core lovers of fine cigars to participate in this so called cult enjoyment. I quickly found out the most difficult thing to do was to find the right “time” and “place”, and more importantly, finding the right “amount” of time to really do what it takes to enjoy a cigar, and that simply is to do it slowly, with little or no chance of interruption, in other words, in this day and time, no chance in hell to do it right.
It took a few trials and mostly errors to discover I had to alter my timing of my sessions in trying to find the good cigar and learning how to enjoy it.
So, what is it about this unhealthy past time that lures me to it. I think one word can sum it all up; peace. Now that I have discovered a good choice, in my opinion, of premium brand(s) I enjoy, I am not as paranoid as I was the first year in trying new brands. I know what pleases me in taste and smokability. But the real enjoyment is the isolationists I place my mind in and my mood when I indulge. Usually it takes a good 45 minutes to an hour and a half to really go through a good smoke. Ive learned the slower you go, the better it is. And with each draw of the non in haled smoke, the resultant effect is pure calmness, and relaxation. There is no nicotine “high”. Don’t get me wrong, all it takes is a few misguided stupid inhalations to send you off to places you do not want to go; it will screw you up very fast and the “high” is a sickening feeling of oh crap have I ever screwed up this time. So not inhaling is very important. And yes readers, its still not good for me, but you know what?, At 59 years old, I think I have paid a few life giving dues that allows me to abuse my body if I choose to do so.
It is also a very lonely vice to be sure. I know of no one who smokes cigars who are acquaintances of mine. Sure I would love to be able to sit around a deck table, sipping a beverage and shooting the crap with a few friends while we all enjoyed a good cigar together, or maybe playing cards or whatever. But for now its a lonely indulgence that I have grown accustomed to. It becomes an adventure of sorts. When done right, the taste changes throughout the length of the cigar. Sometimes is gets tastier, sometimes it gets stronger, but all the time if done right, it just grows with enjoyment. Sometimes I listen to music or the latest news on the portable device, or just listen to the sounds of the world around me. Being outdoors has its definite advantages for sure. It just sucks bad when its raining and you really are in the mood for a few moments of pleasure an d cant do it because of the weather conditions. I have found out though, the delay just makes the next indulgence even better.
I worry though about using this as a scape goat from what is really happening around me right now. I have found my self in a very low position in my existence. Hell I am not even sure where I live any more. My prospects are in the pit of hell right now, and I Just want this to become my only real moments of being content. 
I am working on my personal situation and have a few things lined up in the next few weeks that may solve some of the problems i face but, this entry is not about my personal crap it is about the enjoyment and pleasure, and the complete feeling of relaxation I get smoking a fine cigar.
I am comfortable sharing that peace, with anyone.
